The sense that something in you is asking to be lived, and the frustration of not quite knowing how to respond to it - I circled around it for many years.

Eventually, I began to admit to myself that I could not think or plan my way towards what I was looking for. The more I tried to figure it all out, the further away it seemed to get. And the more frustrated and disheartened I became.

So I began to approach my longing differently. Instead of trying to solve it through thinking and planning, I allowed it to work me.

I wandered in nature, listened, and opened myself to the mirrors of the more-than-human world. I journalled, drew, followed dreams and images.

I learnt to sit with and befriend the impatient and doubtful voices within me, rather than letting them dictate my next steps.

Slowly, I began to recognise a different kind of guidance. Not a ready-made answer or a perfectly mapped-out path, but a sense of the red thread weaving through my life, gradually revealing itself as I listened more deeply, followed what felt meaningful, and trusted the time things took to unfold.

I began to understand that even the frustration, doubt and impatience I had been trying to overcome were important teachers. I didn't need to get past these feelings to move forward. I needed to turn towards them, too, and listen to what they held.